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Matchmaker Bandit Novel Pt. 04

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Hello All,

I am Maximillian Excaliber and before the story I would like to tell you the importance of leaving feedback.

As a writer, it is important to know how well or not well received a work is by received the target audience. Unlike movie and TV studios, we can not rely on focus groups to tell us how our work is being accepted.

On this site, the mechanisms some of us writers rely upon, especially the new ones like myself, are feedback and ratings.

A given work may have been read by 8000 people in three days, but if only 10 or 20 people take the time to rate it and only 2 to leave feedback it is impossible for us and you to tell how popular the story actually is and it is difficult for us, as writers, to know what may need improvement.

While feedback is important to improvement, ratings are the best gauge of how popular a story is but they are only reliable if enough people do so.

For those of you who don’t know, a “Hot” story is one that has an average of 4.5 after 10 or more votes. They will have a little red “H” beside their names in the lists displays but some of the best stories have poor ratings because only a few people have taken the time to rate them while literally thousands have actually read them. And so, unless you stumble across them by accident, you may never know about them.

Feedback can always be left anonymously and ratings are always anonymous so please, even if you do not wish to leave feedback, take the time to rate the story.

Unfortunately, I submitted the novel to the editor I started using about three months ago but he is quite busy and does not have the time to edit the novel. I have decided to post it here so I can go on to other projects. Finally, I have made every attempt to make this novel error free that I can, I am sure there are errors in it that, despite my attempts, have slipped past my editing process. Should you find any, please notify me by email and I will correct them. When posting your comments, please try to keep this in mind: I do not represent this as a professional quality work, but it is the best I can do.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and Happy Reading.



When I started writing some months back, it was with the intention of developing my skills sufficiently so that, with confidence, I could begin writing more conventional fiction. Each story I write is a learning experience for me as I attempt to sharpen my technical skills and story telling techniques.

You will find my stories are becoming longer than the previous ones as I attempt to weave more plot and character development into them.

I hope this is an improvement and you enjoy them.

And now for a word about this particular set of stories.

A few years back I received a couple of rotator cuff injuries that, until recently, had remained undiagnosed. Between that and some other medical problems I will not go into right now, I unfortunately found myself spending more time than I wanted to in medical offices. One good thing has come out of it though; all that time waiting gave me a few ideas for a couple of stories.

This series is the first one of those ideas I have put to words.

As you read these, I think you’ll find it amazing what can be running through one’s mind while they are in a waiting room.

When next you go to the doctor or dentist, think back on these stories and try to imagine what the other people in the waiting room are daydreaming about as they wait alone with you. I think you’ll find it an interesting way to pass the time.

When I started writing this storyline, it was with the intent of writing a single short story. However, as I was reaching the end of what would eventually become part one, it occurred to me that the Matchmaker Bandits had never failed to acquire their objectives before.

The idea of infallibility has never set well with me so I decided to make them just a little more human, and once in a while, let someone else get the best of them. I already had begun to get other ideas for expanding the story floating through my mind when I decided to write what would eventually become Part Two. By the time I was finished with it, my imagination was running full out and I decided to see just how far I could take the storyline.

Please keep in mind the following when you get to Part Four:

One of the two main characters, Lyle Cunningham, describes a medical history including attempts to treat a condition that affected him while he was in college.

While you are reading part four, as outrageous as the medical history described may seem, it is based on actual events in my life.

The main differences between the medical history depicted in the story and what actually happened to me are that I saw far more doctors than does did the character in the story before being properly diagnosed and my gallbladder problems went on for over four years. Also, I am now a type-2 diabetic. The end results of the gallstone demetevler escort being left in too long are that I now have a damaged spleen, pancreas, and liver.

Yes as unbelievable as it sounds, it really does happen.

I want to stress that this is a work of fiction. While some places actually exist, the small town of Magnolia, in Part Five, is a complete construction of my imagination. All characters and events are fictitious and any similarity between the characters and events in the novel and actual people or events is purely in the imagination of you, the reader.

Also, I’d like to thank “Jaily Ember” for taking the time to edit this massive undertaking of mine.

Finally, whether you like it, hate it or are totally indifferent, please take the time to rate it and leave feedback. Also, when doing so, try and remember that the works on this site are mostly done by amateurs such as myself and are edited by volunteers. While every effort has been made to ensure that it is as error free as possible, some minor errors should be expected. Please send me an email and I will correct them in a future reposting of the story. It is very import for the feedback and rating system to be viable that you rate and leave feedback for each posting only once.

Without further ado, please enjoy this, the first Matchmaker Bandit Novel.

Maximillian Excaliber

Part Four – The Salesman Prologue

To recap what has already occurred in this series so far, the Matchmaker Bandits, Ms. White and Mr. Black, have already failed three times to ‘acquire’ the antique vibrator collection belonging to Dr. Mark Jennings.

In Part One, Dr. Jennings, aware of the growing reputation of the bandits knew that it was only a matter of time before they got around to setting their larcenous desires upon his collection, had custom replicas made by an overseas manufacturer.

Concerned about the length of time it would take for the vendor to manufacture the replicas; Dr. Jennings had a variety of phony labels printed by a distributor in Mexico. When the labels arrive, he placed one on each of his most prized collectables.

During their first attempt, Dr. Jennings arrived at his office to move the collection to a safe place and discovered the Matchmaker Bandits there; he convinced them that the real items were replicas.

Fooled, the two bandits left the office empty handed. Immediately after the bandits were gone, Dr. Jennings, his nurse Margo Wilson, and her lover Kent Collins moved the Jennings collection to a temporary storage facility the doctor had previously rented.

In Part Two, having set their eyes on Dr. Victoria Mercer’s coin collection, Ms. White and Mr. Black decided to pay an after hours visit to her medical practice to relieve her of the collection.

Upon their arrival, the Matchmaker Bandits thought they had hit the jackpot when they discovered what appeared to be both Dr. Mercer’s erotic coin collection and Dr. Jennings’s antique vibrator collection. They were shocked when they discovered that not only were the coins in Dr. Mercer’s collection counterfeit, but the items in Dr. Jennings’s collection were replicas.

In Part Three of the series, the bandits realizing that they had once again been outsmarted, decided to pay another visit to Dr. Jennings’s office. When they arrived, the only things they found in the office were a cleaning crew and an empty storeroom where the collection used to be.

Perplexed, outwitted and frustrated, the Matchmaker Bandits refused to give up and decided to make another attempt to acquire the collections of Doctors Jennings and Mercer.

Chapter One – “Penelope In My Head”

June 2006

“How long have you been doing this Lyle?” Penelope asked me. She had just rolled her nude body off of me and we were both lying there trying to catch our breaths.

I answered without looking at her; I think I had begun counting the number of different colors of specs on the stucco ceiling at the time. We both knew the only thing we got together for was the sex. Until now, we hadn’t actually talked about it. I stopped counting and said, “Having sex?”

“Yes, Lyle, having sex.” She said somewhat annoyed as she began running her hand gently up and down my thigh in a stroking motion.

I thought I’d be funny and said, “Oh, I don’t know, ever since the first time.”

“I’m serious! When did you stop looking for love and start just having sex?” Her hand was causing my deflated erection to grow once more. God the woman was insatiable.

She added nonchalantly, “Don’t get me wrong, it was very enjoyable. I’d like to do it again. It’s just that I’m curious.”

That’s what I get for going out with a psychologist! Only two months and seven dates, and she was trying to get inside my head! Before I could become too outraged the pleasant sensation of blood flowing to my cock distracted me.

I started thinking about what she had asked. She was right! What’s worse, escort demetevler she knew she was right!

That dark dirty little secret I had been carrying around for years that had lead to so many one-night stands and short-lived relationships that had never gone anywhere was finally out. I think somewhere deep down inside myself I wanted and needed to talk about it. ‘How long had it been?’ I thought to myself. Almost twenty years now?

As I lay there, my breathing having calmed itself, I thought back to my college days and started to recall to her when it had all began.

Chapter Two – “Reflections Of College”

September 1978

I guess it started after just after I left college.

College had been one of the most difficult times of my life. I had just struggled to finish my last semester of college in time to graduate. I had been sick for most of my junior and senior years. I almost didn’t make it in more ways than one. A gall stone nearly cost me my life and had caused me to loose several weeks of school.

My girlfriend Vicky and I had been dating since the second semester of our junior year and started living together the first semester of our senior year. I could tell she was getting worried about me. She was a pre-med major and while she didn’t know what was wrong with me, knew it was serious and insisted I continue going to the doctor.

So I kept going back. But the more I did, the more frustrated I got. At first, the doctor was treating me for a bad sinus infection. I guess he thought the symptoms of headache and fatigue were evidence of it. That went on for several months. Then, he told me I was dehydrated and that I should drink more water. Over the next year, I became dehydrated three times and had to have I.V.s given to me to get fluids back into when my blood pressure dropped to 80 over 50.

Finally, after looking up the symptoms on the Internet, I reminded him that I had been diagnosed with a gallstone about six years before; I asked him if it could be my gall bladder? He said he didn’t think so but ordered an ultrasound anyway.

While I was waiting for the ultrasound results to come back, I became sick as a dog until in desperation I went back to see the doctor and got stuck with his physician’s assistant.

She tried to treat me for a pulled muscle in my back. She wrote me the prescription for muscle relaxers and, as I walked out of the office that day, I remember thinking what an absolute idiot she was.

I knew the moment she gave me the prescription I would never take them. I didn’t know what was wrong with me at the time, but I did know it was certainly not a pulled muscle. I also knew that most likely the muscle relaxers would either mask the symptoms or just make things worse.

That Saturday I ended up in the emergency room again. I was working part time at a pizza place when it happened.

I had been struggling the whole day and remember thinking to myself that all I had to do was to move the last cart full dough I had prepared into the refrigerator and then, I could sit down and just relax for the next hour while I answered the phone until I left.

The cart was loaded, the door to the refrigerator was open, I was breathing heavily and struggling hard to push the cart inside the refrigerator when I suddenly felt the need to lean against the closest wall and close my eyes.

I vaguely remember someone asking me if I was okay and my mumbling something back to them just before they pushed a chair under me.

The next thing I remember was a paramedic asking me to try and lay down on the gurney for them. Some time later, everything was a fog at the time so I’m not really sure, the same paramedic was telling me that I needed to be taken to the closest hospital. He wanted to know if it would that be okay? Imagine that, I was in bad enough shape that they needed to get me to the hospital to save my life and he was worried about my health insurance!

Six hours, an I.V. and a prescription for what I was told was nausea medication later, I was on my way home. The doctor had told me to see my personal physician first thing Monday morning. I still did not know what was wrong with me.

I didn’t have any nausea, so I didn’t take the medication he had. About six hours after being discharged, I was back in the emergency room again seeing a different doctor. The first thing she asked me was if I had taken the medication that I had been given. Of course, I told her no that I didn’t see the need for it as I was not nauseous. As they were giving me another I.V., she explained to me that I was having another gall bladder attack and that the medication would help. She told me to see a surgeon first thing Monday morning.

It really does help when you run into a competent physician!

I went back to my apartment, now knowing what the medication was actually for. The medication helped but not enough and the rest of the weekend was hell for me. At about 4:00 Monday demetevler escort bayan morning the last of the mediation they had given me was wearing off. By the time I was in the surgeon’s office at 8:00 a.m. that was fit to be tied and about to pass out.

As soon as the nurse took me to the back, Dr. Rogers came in to examine me. He took one look at me and said, “Let’s get you over to the hospital so we can get that thing out of you.”

“When? I asked.

He looked at me as he put his hand on my shoulder and said, “Right now!”

Fifteen minutes later I was being directly admitted to the hospital.

It took them three days to stabilize me enough to take out the damn thing.

The day after my surgery, Dr. Rogers came in to check on my status and told me that the report from the physician who had read the ultrasound said the stone was small and not a problem. Dr. Rogers said the report was wrong, while the stone was small, it was moving in and out of the bowel duct. A week later I was back at school and dealing with a postoperative infection. It seems that a stick that was left in which was supposed to have been taken out got infected. To make matters worse, the antibiotic I was given didn’t work on me. I was not allergic to it; it just didn’t like me. Needless to say, I developed somewhat mixed feelings about doctors after that.

Even after everything that happened, the absolutely amazing thing is that somehow, despite fatigue and general bad feeling of being constantly at death’s door, my grades didn’t drop and I graduated on time.

Vicky, also, had just graduated from the University of Birmingham after which she applied to Emory University Medical School in Atlanta. If she were accepted to Emory, it would mean that she would be moving to Atlanta in the coming fall and leaving me behind.

I had also just graduated and was to begin working for my father for the next four years in his pharmaceutical supply business. It seemed only reasonable, after all to try and own my own way through college. My parents had raised me until I was eighteen. They had no obligation to send me to college. Why should I expect it like they owed it to me? I had become a man and it was my responsibility to make something out of my life.

And so, there we both were, standing there impatiently as she held the envelope nervously in her hands, both of us experiencing a mixture of joy and dread for we knew that its contents would change both of their lives forever.

“Go ahead honey, open it!” I told Vicky. While secretly deep in my heart I hoped she had not been accepted.

Her hands shaking, she tore open the envelope and carefully removed its contents, a single piece of paper. She looked at it for several seconds, taking in the words that were on the page and then looked up at me with tears in her eyes and said, “I’ve been accepted Lyle.”

As tears trickled slowly from my eyes, I took her in my arms and held her as I whispered into her ear, “I’m so happy for you. Now you can finally have what you’ve always wanted.”

We both went our separate ways shortly after that. To this day, I wonder if Vicky knew they were not tears of joy.

Chapter Three – “Inside Penelope’s Head”

June 2006

Penelope had laid there silently listening to me while I recounted the past to her. Her eyes were fixed upon me intently the whole time as though she were peering into my very soul to find the truth of my words.

When I was done, she said to me, “You never got over her did you?”

“No, I guess not.” I confessed.

“How did it make you feel when she left you?” Penelope asked. It was as if she seemed already to know what I was going to say.

I said after a moments of thought, “Angry I think.”

“Why were you angry?” She inquired.

At first, I didn’t know how to answer her. It took me a minute of reflection before I could, “I because she had left me. And I guess I was angry at myself for letting her go.”

“What did you do about it?” She asked.

Half of me was wishing the conversation would end; the other half wanted to talk about it when I said to her, “What?”

“I said, what did you do about it… your anger? How did you ever resolve it?” She replied.

That question I didn’t want to answer; but I had a feeling she was not going to leave it that way. “I don’t think I ever have. At first, I started out trying to have a relationship, but none of the women I dated could I have loved the way I loved Vicky. One day, I just gave up on the idea of finding love again and started having meaningless sex. I found myself getting involved in relationships that I knew had no future. I stayed in them until I couldn’t take it any more. I think in some way I was trying to punish myself for letting Vicky go.”

“You must be very unhappy Lyle. Haven’t you suffered enough?” I could almost hear the pity in her voice when she said it.

I remained mute.

“Have you tried to find her?”

I was finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate as she had moved her hand from my leg and had begun slowly stroking my now fully erect member, “Over the years we lost track of each other. The last I heard, she had become a doctor and was practicing somewhere in Atlanta. I simply assumed she’d gotten married and moved on with her life.”

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