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Chapter 2: The Agony and the Ecstasy
The next morning I was more than a little lost. With no other option, I climbed downstairs and faced Alex at breakfast.
He didn’t react when I walked into the kitchen. He drank his coffee and only murmured good morning, but every cell in my body hummed with his presence. I knew my cheeks were burning.
Mom must’ve picked up on some weird vibes because she purred and flirted with Alex to excess. He gave her a few smiles, answered a few questions, but he seemed to prefer being quiet. This wasn’t unusual in the morning; like me, Alex was a night owl. But I figured this morning would be different, considering less than twelve hours before he’d been inside me.
It wasn’t until I sat down and nearly knocked over my bowl of cereal that he paid attention to me.
“OJ?” he asked, holding up the container with a grin.
Mom slid her glass towards him. “I’ll take some, honey.”
He poured the juice, keeping an eye on me. “You should have some of the bacon I made. Get something hot in your stomach.”
I choked on my cereal.
“God, you have the same table manners as your father,” Mom said with disgust.
I wiped the milk from my lips, ignoring Alex’s surreptitious lick of his own lips. I opened my mouth to shoot something back, but Alex had the gall to touch my hand.
“Don’t choke. Just swallow it all down before you talk.”
Frustrated in about as many ways as you could be, I gathered up my shit and threw it in the sink.
“You didn’t finish your food,” he said.
“I’m not hungry.”
“That’s an interesting top, Melanie.”
I was frustrated and confused by the subject change. Sighing, I looked down at the plain white blouse I wore. Nothing seemed amiss to me.
“Ellen. Tell your daughter I can make out the color of her bra through it. She definitely shouldn’t be going out in public like that, don’t you think?”
Mom blinked her heavily-mascaraed eyes. “Looks fine to me.”
Alex shrugged. “Whatever you think, sweetheart.”
Mom tapped her red nails on the table, a sign she was longing for a cigarette. Alex made her quit when they got married, but I caught the whiff of nicotine off her now and then.
“Where are you going?” she asked, as if she were reading from a script.
I needed to escape this stifling house. My body was sore and I was exhausted. Being around Alex like this was suffocating. I needed to think. I knew, however, I wouldn’t be able to tell Jackie. She joked about my stepfather wanting me, and maybe she even believed it, but she wouldn’t look at me the same way if I confessed. I could hardly look at myself.
“Are you guys going out?”
I rolled my eyes. “Probably.”
“Then maybe you should change your blouse.”
Alex smiled victoriously. The fucker.
“I’ll give you a fifty if you just go and put a fucking sweater on! God, almighty, the two of you drive me nuts sometimes.”
I groaned and ran upstairs, tearing off my blouse in fury. I pulled out the most hideous sweater I could find and shoved it over my head. There was a knock at my partly opened door and I knew without turning it was Alex.
He stalked over to me, ignoring my glare, and plucked at the fabric of the sweater. He laughed breathlessly. “That’s better.”
His eyes hit mine. “Where are the two of you going?”
“The mall,” I answered automatically.
He cupped the side of my jaw. “Where are you really going?”
“A pool party,” I said, not knowing why I was telling him the truth.
He kissed me before I could object. My head moved back but his mouth chased mine. He plunged his tongue inside and ran across my own. His fingers were already massaging my breasts. It shamed me that I was greedy for his cock so soon after fucking for the first time. I was desperate to get on the bed and do it all again, except go slower this time.
When Alex pulled away from me, I could see the same desire in his eyes. “Tonight.”
“I’m going to have you again.”
“I’m going to fuck you so good.”
“Wait, Alex we–“
“You’re not going to ever want another guy’s cock inside you.’
“Alex!” Realizing I was shouting, I lowered my voice and hissed at him. “You know we can’t. Not again.”
He caressed my cheek and pushed his thumb against my lower lip. He appeared to be fascinated by the way my lips parted.
“We can, and we will. Do you really think we’re going to be able to go back to the way we were before?”
“No,” I admitted. “But Mom…”
“Don’t think about it. Block it from your mind.”
That infuriated me. “How can you say something like that?!”
“Life isn’t easy,” he said calmly. “You’ve gotta take advantage of the small moments of pleasure. Trust me.”
“You’re a hedonist.”
His eyebrows lifted. “I’m impressed you know that word.”
He laughed and walked towards my door. “Tonight, Melanie. bahis firmaları No later than 10.”
“Don’t you love her even a little bit?”
Alex looked at me over his shoulder. “Don’t you?”
“She’s my mother.” I swallowed. “I must.”
“I’m her husband, and I don’t.” He smiled when I flinched. “Would you prefer me to say I did?”
“I don’t know. I feel bad.”
He turned around and said, “You’ll get over it,” before disappearing down the hall.
I didn’t go to the pool party. I called Jackie and told her I couldn’t make it. She knew something was up but I didn’t have it in me to come up with a lie. I promised I’d tell her about it later, rushing her off the phone.
Instead of going back home, I went to the mall and wandered around like a zombie.
I tried to talk myself out of doing anything more with Alex. My mother sucked, and I knew he didn’t love her. In reality, I didn’t think she loved him either. She was more obsessed with the idea of Alex, the allure he brought to her life, than she was with himself. Even I had to admit I didn’t know him well.
When I went home that night, Mom was already passed out. Alex sat in the dark living room, reading a book beneath a faint lamp. He shut it and looked up at me. There was no trace of a smile on his face.
“You have a decision to make. Do I go to bed, or do I wait for you?” he asked quietly.
This felt like one of the most important moments in my life. I could never go back after this. With a thrill, I knew I’d already turned my back on being a good, respectable girl the night before (if I ever had hopes of being one).
I took a breath. “I guess we should go into the backyard. She won’t hear us there.”
Alex didn’t smile, but there was a shift in his expression. I knew he was pleased. There was also an intensity there, a grim satisfaction. A sort of happy resignation–but a resignation, all the same. For a second I wondered if he hoped I’d stop this.
Then he stood and came over to me, displacing my shirt so he could kiss my neck.
That night would be the catalyst for one of the most exciting, revolutionary periods in my life. We fucked through the summer. We got to know each other inside and out in the fall. Somewhere along the lines I lost touch with friends. I stopped going out. Like a starving beggar, I lingered around waiting for the scraps of attention Alex sporadically showered on me.
In the winter, however, the world slowed down. The urgency of our beginning fizzled into a wonderful familiarity; the closeness and dependance I began to feel towards him terrified me. It wasn’t until December that I feared losing him. I had this feeling of doom hovering above my head, even when I felt happy with him.
If he felt the weight of our bond, the shift in our feelings, he didn’t show it. Like everything else, it would take a precipitous event to make him show his hand.
I feared that moment, knowing Alex as I did. He would act rashly. His impulsivity could mean our end. He might send me away, or worse, he might keep me around and cease touching me.
I wasn’t sure what I wanted to happen. It wasn’t as if he could pick up and run away with me. We didn’t have any place to go, and I didn’t know if I wanted that. Life with Alex would always be unstable. I’d never be positive about what was going on behind those impassive eyes. He’d forever be domineering and more than a little selfish.
It was only at night, after we’d fucked and I was cold and alone in bed, would I admit to myself that I’d take it all if I could have him near me forever.
It was freezing outside, and I could see my breath puffing in the air as he fingered me. His fingers were thick and torturing. I couldn’t see his face– he’d buried it in my neck– but I could feel his hot mouth panting against my skin. Imagining the painfully focused expression I had grown to know on his face made me even wetter.
“I wanted to do this all night,” he moaned.
My head smacked against our house as a throbbing wave of arousal slid through my body. “Kiss me.”
Alex pulled back and stared at me. “Beg me for it.”
“Please,” I said instantly. I was too far gone to play games. “I need your tongue.”
He stepped away and I groaned. It was so infuriating when he was in control, which was almost 99% of the time.
Then he knelt and shoved my jeans down to my thighs. My soaked pussy was released to the frigid nighttime air. It blew across me and mingled with his warm breath. I couldn’t hold back my groan. It must have been too loud because he slapped my pussy, making me bite back a shriek.
“I warned you that if you couldn’t be quiet, we wouldn’t be able to have fun.”
I smiled and wound my fingers through his hair.
He gave me a small grin. Then his lips were on me and his tongue snaked through my soft flesh, fucking it with feverish enthusiasm. It felt delicious but I wanted to come with his cock inside me. I tugged at his hair, tried to kaçak iddaa pull my hips away from him, but he wouldn’t release me. He pursed his lips and sucked at my clit. Foreign sounds rose up my throat. Only then did he stand and shove his cock inside me.
A moment later I was shuddering, coming all over his cock. He pounded me relentlessly, smacking his hand over my mouth when a tiny scream escaped my lips.
Then he slowed his thrusts. I felt his warm cum flooding my pussy and tightened around him all over again.
He slipped out of me, wiping his slick cock against my thigh. The filthy gesture should have repulsed me but… God, it sent another frisson of pleasure through my body. He yanked up my jeans and made sure I was presentable. I was no help; I rested against our house, too relaxed to move.
“We gotta get back in,” he whispered, zipping up his own jeans. “We’ve been gone too long.”
“Why are you so worried? You said Mom was passed out.”
Alex smoothed back his hair. “Ellen hasn’t been taking her sleeping pills lately. I think she knows I don’t spend the night with her.” He stroked my face. “She has no idea I’m fucking her daughter, thank God. She’d kill us both.”
A pang shot through my heart, not for the first time. There was no love lost between us, but even I knew the sin I committed was the worst thing I could do to her. I’d never seen my mother so rejuvenated. Alex– being the stunning, dashing husband who was six years younger– gave her a happiness I wasn’t sure she’d ever known.
And I was stealing it from her. Almost every night I took her husband inside of me, and every morning I smirked behind her back. Sometimes I still had his cum inside me.
It was fucked up and utterly twisted.
What was even worse was I was falling in love with him. That was by far the stupidest thing I could do. Sometimes I saw a reverence in his eyes as he licked my wetness from his fingers, or when he occasionally helped to clean me up after our fuck sessions. But I knew Alexander, and I knew that nothing tethered him to this earth. He enjoyed being free, to have the ability to say “when”. I didn’t think he was capable of falling in love. I told myself so every night when I finally went back to bed. Then by morning I convinced he could love me, too.
He was just so interested in everything I did. He listened to me. He worshipped my body and treasured my love-laced whispers. And I knew how dangerous it all could be. The woman sleeping upstairs, the juices leaking down my thighs, were plenty of evidence.
As he stared back at me, I thought for the millionth time since we first fucked a month before that we had to end it.
He read the emotions likely all over my face and kissed the tip of my nose. “Stop worrying so much, Melanie.”
“We have to stop.”
He pulled at the ends of my hair, feigning distraction. “I can’t do that.”
“We have to. The deeper we get into this the harder it will be when we have no choice but to stop.”
Alex shut me up with a kiss. After he thoroughly made me speechless, he moved back and took my hand. “I don’t want to stop. You don’t want to stop.”
“We can’t keep going on like this, sneaking out at 3am to fuck in the backyard.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Why not?”
I was annoyed, and got even more frustrated when I noticed I was amusing him.
“This is serious, Alex. We’re gonna get caught. People always get caught.”
He opened his mouth to interrupt, but I kept going.
“What are we going to do? Are we both supposed to be satisfied by hiding?”
He palmed my pussy through my jeans. I squirmed, but I was unable to tear myself away. “I’m very satisfied.”
I hated when he acted like this was no more than getting off. I didn’t feel that way, and the moments of tenderness he showed hinted he didn’t, either.
“Alex? You out there?”
We both froze. Mom was up and looking for her husband, who currently had his hand on my cunt. He bolted away from me and straightened his pants.
“Yeah. Just needed some fresh air.”
Mom popped her head outside and widened her eyes when she spotted me standing there. My heart pounded and I knew I must’ve looked terrified. A stupid thought flashed through my mind; I couldn’t remember the last time I saw my mom without makeup. She looked so vulnerable, so young beneath the floodlight.
“What are you two doing?”
“Talking, Ellen, Jesus. Melanie couldn’t sleep and saw me pacing out here.”
Usually Mom backtracked when she knew Alex was exasperated with her. But she must’ve sensed the crackling air between us and she wouldn’t be distracted.
“Melanie, go to bed. Right now.”
She hadn’t used that tone with me in years–not since Dad lived with us when I was a little kid and she had no choice but to parent me.
I obeyed immediately and headed for the door. She stood in the doorway, not moving as I passed her. I could smell her perfume, feel her warmth. The guilt turned my stomach. Her eyes didn’t move from kaçak bahis my stepfather.
I waited in the kitchen for a few minutes, trying to eavesdrop. There was no noise.
My bedroom looked out over the basement, so I frantically ran upstairs to peer out into the dark yard.
I saw shifting bodies in the moonlight. The dim floodlight shed just enough light on them to make out my mother and stepfather fucking.
I barely made it to the bathroom, puking so hard I couldn’t breathe. As I gagged over the toilet, my mind flipped through painful snapshots. Alex grunting, Alex fucking me, Alex laughing with me, Alex holding me.
I thought about how Alex’s dick probably still had some of the juices from my pussy on it and a fresh wave of nausea rolled through my stomach.
My body finally had nothing left. Even then, I gagged hopelessly a few more times, my body not ready to convey how disgusted I was. They hadn’t come back in the house yet, and I couldn’t bring myself to check on them again. Exhausted, heartbroken, shattered, I slipped under my covers and cried silently until I fell asleep.
The next morning my eyes somehow opened. I was still alive, even though it felt like my entire world was over. I was horrified by what I’d done, how my life had boiled down to this moment.
I staggered into the bathroom, letting the boiling hot water wash traces of my stepfather off me. Was he next to her in their bed, kissing her and offering the same empty promises he made me as I washed?
Part of me played Devil’s Advocate. Maybe he had to have sex with her to placate her. Maybe she was a little too suspicious, and he wanted to distract her.
I wouldn’t know until I see him again.
That glimmer of hope cheered me up a tiny bit.
I walked into the kitchen, desperate for some hot coffee.
I nearly dropped my mug. My mother sat casually at the kitchen table, a steaming cup of coffee in her hand. Her makeup was on point, again, and the dress she wore was beautiful and golden. She looked composed… and ready to strike.
I looked around, hoping to spot Alex. She realized what I was doing. “He went into work today.”
I said nothing.
I sank into the chair across from her, a seed of dread growing in my stomach.
“Have I ever told you about the day you were born?”
I shook my head and said, “Dad has.”
Her red nail tapped at her smiling lips. She looked me over and then hesitated. She pulled a cigarette out of her bag and lit it, taking a big drag before speaking.
“When I found out I was pregnant with you, I thought, ‘It’s your time, Ellen. Now you will do something wonderful. You’re going to give birth to a perfect girl, and she will be all you weren’t.’ That’s what most parents think, you know. That’s why we have children. To right all our wrongs, to get the jobs we were too scared to apply for, to achieve the happiness we sought after and never got. All that sentimental bullshit. Can you believe I actually felt that?”
“Then I went into labor.” She shook her head and sipped her coffee. “It hurt like hell. I told your dad it was all his fault. That cliched crazy pregnant woman speech we all give when a human pushes it’s way out of our bodies.”
“What did Dad say?”
Mom looked at me with unseeing eyes, like she’d just remembered I was sitting there with her. She sucked her cigarette and it burned, causing ash to fall off and sprinkle on the table.
“Robert said nothing. He was late for a meeting and he wanted me to be done with it. He didn’t say that, though. He couldn’t wait for you to be born. The little girl he could spoil, the girl who’d love him no matter what.” She looked out the window. “You burned and clawed at me and the doctors and nurses all ran around like crazy people. I had this fleeting internal monologue and it was so ridiculous. I hated you then, you know. I knew I’d never have my perfect body back. I’d have to be a mother… I wouldn’t be able to lie around and have no responsibilities, I couldn’t go around as I pleased. I wanted to push you back in and go back in time and have the abortion I toyed with having.” She laughed. “This is all I thought of in the one minute I could think.”
She looked at me, her eyes traveling over me as if she were looking for something. “Then this fat, bloody baby with dark blue eyes was put in my arms. Your dad cried. I just stared at you, not knowing what the hell to do with you. But I promised myself I’d love you, or that at least I’d convince you I loved you, that I’d give you everything I never had. I made that whole speech I gave you a few minutes ago–that you’d blaze through the world and do all the shit I’d only ever dreamed of. I wanted you to have the world. I hoped you’d find happiness. I really did.”
“Mom.” My eyes filled with tears. She suspected something; she had to have some idea if she was sitting with me, telling me all this.
She puffed on her cigarette one last time and dropped it in the remainder of her coffee.”Now all I feel for you is indifference. I wanted to hate you when I found out you were fucking my husband. Trust me, I did. But hate is too strong of an emotion to feel towards someone like you.”
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